Fellow men, have you ever approached a girl, any female in general, and asked a favour from her, unaware that you have just entered a danger zone, possibly the end of your very existence? “Honey, may you please go put the laundry in the drier?” or “Hey sis, pass me the phone over there will yah?” I have often been in this devastating situation, unlocking the meant to be detained beast within my fellow female companions including my mother, sister, dozens of my female peers in school and even some women I do not know! Why women have frequent mood swings which unleash their true demonic selves is roughly explained as puberty (or menopause for the wise ones … wise meaning those who have seen a lot… as I dare not call them old) and is quite valid in some ways, but sometimes, I brood over with difficulty, why in the world would a superior being/s decide to ever make women have such a dark side?

I have often barged into my sister’s room unannounced to find her reading on her bed. At these moments, she just does not care and she simply asks me, “What do you want, Angelous?” Having failed my attempt to bug her like any normal sibling would, I leave dissatisfied. Alas, as I would soon figure out, those days I left her room without her overreacting are the days I have been blessed with another day to live.

One afternoon, as per daily routine, I barged into my sister’s room (thankfully while she was clothed) and pretended to be a cop ready to arrest her for being a “deadly criminal.” Upon my arrival, expecting a fun game of cops versus robbers to lighten the mood, I was shocked to find my sister hollering at me at the top of her lungs. “ANGELOUS!!!! GET OUT OF MY ROOM, NOW!!!! OR I WILL TELL MOMMY AND DADDY!!!!” rang in my head and, as any normal brother would do, I quickly scurried over to my sister to cover her mouth. “Listen, it was just a game! I am sorry! I am leaving, alright?” were the words I used to sooth the beast just waiting to emerge from the bottom of an immeasurable ditch, like stirring scorching bubbling soup to prevent a spill, and oh boy, how hard that task was!

She stared at me, anger crackling in her eyes. One second… two seconds, then she screamed. DAAAAADDYYYYYY!!!!!!” I covered my ears, the force of the noise too much to bear. I knew it was over for me. I knew in a couple of seconds, it would be time to run. Oh, how a good intention can turn your day upside down just like that. And during all this, deep down, that other subconscious within was chuckling, a laugh so spine chilling that the devil himself would halt in his footsteps. This being had taken over one of the people I cared most for and, even though it was a brief invasion of her consciousness, it was enough to make the rest of my week a horrible one.

Similar moments have happened in which I have asked my mom the wrong question at the wrong time and received a lecture about whatever I have done. Half the time, I just look at her and think to myself, “So I take it the answer is a no….” I see the same thing happening to my dad in some days of the month. Sometime I just tell myself, my mom must be visiting the sun…..if not the moon. It is just so obvious that she wants to be left alone….how possible this could be for a wife and mother of two? I feel for some of my Africanadian uncles who are blessed with girls only (plus their wives) … I wonder how they survive these mood swings of all these women around them.

When I make a fellow girl classmate at school irritated, or when any guys do that for the matter, it is always because of a small innocent prank. Like one time, some of the boys pulled out one of my classmates chairs right before she was about to sit down. She fell on her bump and all we boys started laughing our heads off. When she stood up, we all yelled, “You mad, bro?” Afterwards, the girls all ganged up on us, ranting about how immature we were, yelling at us and howling unkind words of hatred, kicking us and pushing us into walls, coat hooks, and even other students. They made our lives a living hell for a whole week over one naïve childlike joke. And when everyone else was not looking, I swear I saw them staring at us, a sort of gleam in their eyes like a ruby, and I just knew they were plotting their revenge, something to make us dearly pay for our misdemeanor. They were prepared to put us in the wrong just as we did them. A couple of days later, many of our balls mysteriously disappeared, only to be found on the roof by the caretakers. Coincident? I guess not.

I do not know, it may just be me overreacting and it is nothing but normal mood swings that come upon different bodily changes. Maybe I am crazy and everything just happened the way it was meant to. All I know is, when I get married, my priest better be a trained exorcist…

Angelous