I find eating to be a truly wonderful thing. It’s a gift really, a blessing from above. Being able to grow and grow and grow by consuming thousands upon thousands of different recipes, treats, sweets, baked goods, stews, appetizers, main courses, and desserts made by us human beings by the God-given ability to know what tastes good. With my high metabolism and the urge to eat, food is among my top activities; without the scrumptious traditional meals I eat at home – the freshly brewed beans, perfectly-cooked rice, the hand mingled ugali, the so heavenly prepared chapati, and let’s not forget the crispy and hot chicken and turkey legs and breasts barbequed to the upmost highest expectations – I would literally be heart-broken. Deprived of my lovely food is the second worst thing that could ever happen to me. Having to learn to use proper western utensils to eat the exquisite meals I so love is the first.
Recently, March 23rd to be exact, my mother had enough. I was doing what I normally do, eating my delicious food. When you enjoy something, you tend to get mesmerized by it, often acting without even knowing. So I started, like always, licking my fingers to get all the rest of that yummy sauce of my fingers. I had a bit of rice left on my plate too, so I used my fingers to help push it onto my fork. Wrong move, my friend. The hunting bird spotted her prey and pounced. My mom gave me that look. The look like she was going to really get mad and you do not want to see her mad. So she said, “That’s it, Angelous. You are no longer going to eat with your hands like that. Go pick yourself a knife and use it with the fork to eat.” As I stared her down, obvious disapproval smeared on my face, I knew I had already lost the battle. Shame was a cloud around me as I stood up to get myself a knife.
I always though eating with a knife and a fork was a pretty straightforward affair; knife in right, fork in the left. Pierce your meat with the fork, cut with the knife, eat and enjoy, simple as that. How wrong I was. First off, I learned there was a specific way of holding the fork in which you can easily maneuver it by pushing it with your index finger in a 150 degrees angle to easily place the food in your mouth. What was described to me as easy, I am still struggling to do. Then there is the fact that it is “impolite” and “unorganized” to place your meat in the front of your plate facing you. Instead, it should be on the opposite side, this I am not sure where it is coming from. You are not to cross your hands when cutting said meat, and when slicing, your elbows should be parallel to the table and not facing upward or in a “flying” position as my mother likes to call it when making fun of me.
You must not only use the knife to cut meat but it should also be used for your grain products and salads as my mother is forcing us/me to do so. I must use it pick up the little pieces of rice left over or use it to help support the spaghetti before it goes in my mouth. Even the salads we eat now incorporate the use of a knife. I am no longer allowed to use my hands to eat. Ha, just on Monday, we ate ugali, and my mom even suggested I eat THAT with a knife. The Gods must have gone crazy! Of all things, use a knife and a fork to eat UGALI? My great- great-grandfather must be turning in his grave.
Now, I understand the importance of learning how to eat elegantly and respectfully for when you grow older and start going places with your boss and co-workers, you really do not want to be that one guy or gal who picks up the tiny Asian cuisine with your hands. I mean, everyone wants to do it, but with the skills that I am now learning, people don’t have to embarrass themselves in public by letting the inner child run loose.
Indulging in my meals will be a pain from here on and out. I am disappointed, for the fact that I have my fork in my left hand limits the amount I eat and cutting with the knife is a struggle at times… okay, maybe all the time. Alas, I must keep on pushing. In fact, I should take the fact that my mother has forced me to eat “properly” as a compliment for she probably has premonitions of me going to fancy restaurants with CEOs and big bosses and she just wants me to be prepared. So prepared I shall. Let the next couple of months of hardship begin.
Angelous Ginanena.