In memory of Vanessa Yasintha Wambura (August 2003 – August 2023).

For years I compared myself to other people. It controlled my life and obscured my vision of other more important things. Like the great person that I am, not the image of the perfect person I wanted to become! Comparing yourself to others is a form of jealousy and self-hatred. However, in some cases, comparing yourself is harmless, it’s actually a motivation to go beyond your limits in a way that will help you and maybe other people without damaging your self-esteem. While doing a bit of research for my article I found two forms of comparison; Picture Perfect and Bulls-eye.

Picture Perfect

Have you ever felt that you weren’t good enough? Maybe it was something someone said or may have implied, or maybe it’s your own thoughts that drive you to have insecurities. You think other people see you in a way that you don’t see yourself, it’s kind of complicated but technically you’re bullying yourself, you find all these horrible things about yourself and you over-exaggerate and make yourself feel useless and alone. Often, you blame it on other people, you blame them for being the way they are or for making you feel insecure, when really you can’t seem to look at yourself the way others looks at you. I know in some forms people see you in a worse way then you see yourself, but the majority of times it’s the opposite you see yourself worse than others see you.

I know I may not be as good as the next person, but that’s no reason to bring myself down. Thus said, why focus on negative, you should find the positive things about yourself and about other people. In reality, I may have some strengths that the other person I compare myself to does not have. Often we want picture perfect results, but we make crazy criterias that we need to meet. It’s kind of like the self-mirror, we see ourselves in the worst way possible once really we are as close to perfect as we can get! The only way we should compare ourselves is for our own positive, harmless gain.

Bulls-eye

This is the only way that we should compare ourselves. In a way that will flourish ourselves and our abilities as a human. This may introduce us to try new things. For example, my friend is a really good basketball player, she could shoot three pointers, defend really well and she was captain of our schools basketball team. At times I found myself jealous of her ability to play, I love basketball but I thought I wasn’t nearly as good as her. Why did she have to be good at every sport? I told myself it wasn’t fair. But, soon I found my jealousy as a gain. I started practicing really hard. Every day at recess I would play games that boost my exercise and my skills at basketball. I’m getting better, but now I’m not trying to be as good as her, I’m trying to be the best that I can be! My goal is make it on to the team!

Another thing is, my sisters are great at school and they often get lots of A’s. I’m not bad at school but I wasn’t as good as them. Now I study hard and I am not afraid to ask them for help without feeling like I’m admitting struggling at things they prosper in. We should feel like we are trying our best and nothing else matters. Like this cute picture below says:

I hope you find this as a great lesson? Stop feeling sorry for yourself and bringing yourself down. Because you’re as perfect as can be, as smart as you push yourself to be and you’re great just the way you are! From now on use your jealousy as a gain to ameliorate in anything and to get new interests! It’s not hard, all it requires is self-respect, determination, courage and forgiveness to self. You have to believe in yourself, and see the real you!

What is checked off on your check list?

Vanessa Wambura.